Tagged!

It was alright for me
In that warm little sphere of the womb
Not too hot – Nor too cold
Just alright for me – Safe in there…

Why should I even get born?
But Tagged! Was my fate out there
Time never favored my side at all
I wasnt happy to go out from here
I could feel the bubbling pain
I shall face – Where ever I go- Just Everywhere!

But Tagged! once more was my day
The day I had to leave my that secure place
Wriggling out of the safe space on my own
Tagged ! Was my life out of that comfort zone

Tagged! Was that mandatory cry and shedding out some tears
Happiness in that! – evident among the people staring at me
Tagged! Was the joy with just one look
In between my legs was that blissful cocoon

Tagged! With the Title of a little boy! born new!
Wrapped was I in the crisp blanket bought with the color called Blue.
Passed along hands in hands , like a new ragged doll
I could fathom my future right here! Once and for all

Tagged! To be the sole heir of my family
Nobody heard my cries saying No!
Cries echoing! No I wasnt ready
Nobody understood me – Appealing for freedom,
I didnt want yet – to be bound in this rules of tradition and custom

Tagged! Was the celebration for my birth
All fixed to be Big and all Grand
Making not much really that sense
Since I know no-one,
Come on! I’ve just arrived on this Unknown land!

Yet! My tag existed right there,
The Son of the family and a Boy to be exact
The tag I had to carry forever I guess
My society gave it to me and.. its a fact

Short hair, darker clothes
Cars and motor bikes – My toys
Barbie dolls a shame to play –
I was a boy
Pink, Red no not my color – Or so they say..

Tagged! You see, even in the colors i should like
Tagged ! There was even in the vehicle I ride – A motor bike!

What about my likes ? For pretty frocks and a cute dress
I too might want my hair braided long
Well maybe , I want it styled up in a pretty mess

But Tagged! To just wear ironed pants and crisp shirt
No shying away ,nor showing others my tears
Wasnt allowed – To show any softness to Anyone
Nor is it appropriate to disclose my fears

Tagged! With a hoarseness in my attitude
The hardness persisting in the way I behave
I had to be the boss among the people
And others all to work under me.. oh! as my slave

Tagged! Was I with that responsibility
The bread earner of the family- in future?
Nopes- Tagged right from today!
Looking after women in the house Them, depending on me-
Look at my role in society – Astomishing isn’t it in each and every way

I count my years 1…,2,…3…,4 …all the way till the mere age of 18
I recall back to that safe heaven in the womb
Where I wasnt tagged with titles of any thing

This harsh reality of the existing society
I dont know! how I shall bear
Tagged ! will I be in every single step
For this gender stereotyping exists- Just everywhere !

Go somewhere- Anywhere- Tags! And Tags!
Do this! Do that! Everywhere
You shall echo and hear!
Comeon people – Get up and Change
Or you will be forever tagged
Isn’t this your biggest fear????

-Lirisha

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I have aged.. But my desires have not!!

There she stood beside me, in that packed local bus her denim jeans rubbing alongside my bare arm.

It was hot.. really hot and I was sweating all over, my shirt sticking to my body. Another old man next me me drooling since the time he rode the bus.

A parade of the long lines of vehicles waiting to zoom through the roads as soon as the trafgic raises his hands and gives the GO sign. But alas, that seems like only a dream for it has been almost an hour since the vehicles were stuck.

Her smell of minty perfume struck my nostrils whenever she moves or changes her position, while her ……… bag brush across my shoulders – the tiny bells attached to the handle tingling – a soothing sound to my ears.

The babies cry restless somewhere ahead, I try craning my neck as far as i could so i get a glimpse of whats going on ahead.

My head nudges the soft arms of her and her face deciphers the annoyance- almost every single person was feeling at that moment. I give her a brief smile and settle back into my seat again, feeling the slick sweat drip from my forehead right into my eyes.

Beeping horns and smoking air, nothing else could be done except close the eyes and ears. I visioned that lovely face, the annoyance turning into a smile. Her sleek fingers holding up my sweaty shoulders and soothing my discomfort. Her soft touch of skin cool on my hot body.

I gather her into my arms and whisper her the words that she is pretty and beautiful. Her smile widens even more and she pinches my cheeks ever so playfully. My smile matches the width of her smile and I notice how perfectly fit are those white teeth in her face. Whereas, mine bend in odd angles and perhaps need a visit to the doctor. Her face so close to mine I can see the eyes deep brown dilated and looking deep into my grayish ones. The lashes seem to brush her rosy cheekbones each time she blinks. Mesmerized by her uniquely heart shaped face, I wonder if she too finds me handsome.

That wrinkled gray eyes, perhaps decorated with tattered lashes. A big blsck mole on the bottom of the nose.. and patchy skin. It all faded into this oldness after I turned 35. The nature played its game and I started losing my grace. I remember my pretty lady once telling me how handsome I stood from others. I had that six packs from intense workout in gym that ladies drooled over. The arrogant attitude that girls went head over heels for… That talks to send giggles all over.. annoying yet bearable. Then Life- happened..

Nomore did that girls give me a look. The natural shine of the slick black hair had to be re-painted again and again. That concrete six packs turned to zero replaced by a protruding oval increasing more while I got stuck to the desk of the office. The eyes lost its charm so did myself. The ladies giggled but no longer drooled over me, in fact the giggles were for times when they say me drooling over the tables at work. Asking ladies out to date and being turned down became the habitual routine.. I no longer feel any surprise at how I have my arrogant attitude.

Bang! My head hit the head of the seat as the bus started up, finally the traffic cleared. Oohs and Aas erupted and I heard the soft voice of her gasping and reaching out to me. I muttered a barely audible- I’m fine. Her lips turned to a ever slight ghost of a smile and my heart fluttered in an annoying way. I almost felt like the throbbing forehead was healed and time would stop then….. I imagined her wrapped in my arms and diving into her deep lustrous eyes.

I didnt care about the traffic, nor the beeping horns.. All I wanted was love- Love that didnt age like I have.

Love that didnt tease me like time has.

Love that didnt grow old like I have.

Love that I wanted but didnt have.

Is it that aged people have no desires?

I wanted to shout above the sounds of vehicles.. to her… I’m old yes.. I have aged yes… But my desires have not…

Alas! All this remained shut in only my crooked mouth as she disappered in to the crowd somewhere leaving my thoughts alone.. making me feel older than before….

Sex in the City

Wait!! Don’t just scoll yet and act like you are partially blind and didn’t just read the title thats there.

You just DID and you know it.

But why did you even try to just skip reading what may be included in this topic?

Scared? Ashamed? Thinking what people will say if they see you reading stuffs like these?

Well don’t worry it has no child content that is hazardous for you.

I was referring to just the FEMALE sex that exists within the city.

Yes indeed the sex that has the biological meaning and not the sex that you had bern thinking.

Take a breath of relief and change your perception.

The female sex, see how in a spur of a moment the conclusions were drawn about the content that may have been included in the topic.

Maybe I’m wrong , not everyone did think up the meaning in some other way , but I’m simply just generalizing.

The topic is aimed at portraying how the perception of just one word can change the entire meaning.

Female sex, the category which is thought of to be the one who are pretty weak. Kept in the feminine gender by the family as soon as the sex is determined.

You are a female sex, do not oppose the male.

You are a female sex, walk with clothes – well and appropriate.

You are a female sex, do not talk too loud.

You are a female sex, do not go alone, always be with a crowd.

You are a female sex, do not stay out of home so late.

You are a female sex, being dominated by others is your fate..

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Well this is what it actually happens in our Society. The boundary lines are drawn to the female sex no matter where she is.. city or village.

Just saying that you live in a city doesnt define you modern. The way your personality strikes defibes your true modernization.

Despite the traditional values existing among the people of Nepal, there is a need to change that what is needed.

Especially, the perception of sex based assumptions and expectations if not appropriate should be changed.

But who is that who will bring the change?

Government? Rich people? People living in the sophisticated houses of the City?

NO !

Guess who?

Well – Take out your mobile, open the camera, move on to selfie mode and then smile.

There!!

You got the answer, Its YOU!!

So what are you waiting for???

Be the change that you have always wanted to be!! Be You!

Invisible disease

If we start scrolling into the datas from all around the world, we can actually note down an uncountable lists og diseases that becomes slowly a hot issue to spread all around the world.

HIV and AIDS, that disease which took away lives of Lord knows how many people.

Today, Ebola Virus has been sniffing the nooks and corners of the world waiting for the big sneeze to create a chaos all around.

Leaving aside those viruses, the chronic diseases of Hypertensions, Cancers has also become an issue that can neither be overlooked nor avoided. It is killing people and we all know it.

If you are obese- well you are OBESE and the maybe the victim of death, no denying it. It will eat you up eventually and spread all over until the day its goal to kill you is achieved. Bitter but True.

So many diseases prevail which one may have knowledge about or maybe not, may have it or maybe not.

But there is one disease that everyone gets in the course of lifetime but is harshly unaware of when one does get it.

Its almost an killer disease as well that may be the reason of death- physically, mentally, socially.

There is no WHO to define this disease, nor is there any NASA to predict the occurence of this disease.

But it has many definitions and many researches done. It’s effects varies from an individual to individual once he/she gets it and the so disease is known as – LOVE.

Concerned about the causative agent?

It is not a new agent for all its called the HEART.

The medium or transmitting source is EMOTIONS.

It can be considered as an epidemic almost sometimes in some places or situations. But also it exist as a mere form of pandemics all over the world.

If we look in terms of non communicable form, there too exists the disease associated to multi factors like the diabetes.

Love depends on lifestyle, mind state, behaviours, exposure to the feelings, over thinking, etc.

You cannot just list a necessary factor for the causation of this disease. The factor is present in every organism, yet it depends on how much the dose-response is active of the individual to see the effects.

Worried about intervention for the disease?

Mainly its awareness that can initiate self motivation to either avpid or improve or balance the disease, completely upon an individual how tgey perceive it.

The intervention strategies may not always be applicable to all the people and thus may land into getting the negative effect that is HEARTBREAK or HURT which would leave one individual to be in a stage of disability.

The ultimate severe result would be DEATH which is rare but can be expected.

Over the researches done, the facts have provided evidence that this disease has been of a historical importance and cases of mortality and morbidity has been observed in the past as well.

For the recent days, researches have shown that, the disease is a growing trend among the youth population and has been a contributable measure to disability.

Also the new origination of incidence cases of the disease calls in for a analytical study to find out the odds ratio of people being able to be affected by the disease as well as the relative risk of people who are prone to get affected by the disease.

There has not yet been any treatment available yet and studies are ongoing with pharmaceutical interventions also in the path of getting tested. Yet, people affected by this disease are found extensively surviving except the cases who fall under morbidity and mortality population. The variation ranges from positive health of a person to sickness to even death.

In a nut shell, the overall disease condition can be wrapped up as a controversial topic of danger or safety to human health. Thus the term invisible disease could be used synonymously to define this particular disease named LOVE, since it is visible to those in good health who acquire and immunity responds positive and is invisible to those who fall under bad health with low immunity to the host factors.

Being born a Female

Did you say… you feel its a curse to be born a Female? A girl? A daughter? A woman?

Am I a feminist? Well yes and no.. Depends on how you give the definition of a Feminist.

A journey of 2 months changed my perceptive of thinking towards being born a Female, being a girl, a daughter and finally to be a woman.

The realization that, a woman is not just a word that the men can use to dominate but woman is actually a wow version of man.. Woo! – Man

As crazy as it sounds its actually true,

Experiencing that moments to capture the womanhoodness among the people of Namjung village in Gorkha made me absolutely astonished and proud to say – Yes females are worth it!!

The 2 month volunteering was not just building the handwashing stations and improving the water facilities out there, it was to learn how Age isn’t a barrier if you have that will to do something.

Sure enough we were in that community where youths were hugely absent, just the people above 35 age. No denying we youths had a hard time doing the tasks of building stations but still it was a surprise to watch the zeal of even the old women and men carry heaps of sand, cements, rocks all the way up and down the hills on their barren crackling feets.

Taking up time from their daily chores, the way women came to help us kids was a appreciative moment. Maybe their hands were soiled in buffalo dungs, they were with unique grass cutting tools (Hasiya) in their hands, carring huge amounts of fodders for their cattle they never failed to put up a smile and inspire us- No matter how tired they themselves were. Just a small rock maybe- But their kindness was large enough for us to work harder and give them a piece of happiness in seeing their community develop a bit.

Sad part was – there weren’t much people to see what the women could really do.

Nepal, that country with diverse and unique culture and rich traditions yet it falls under that lacking capability to recognize the equality between men and women.

Women are dominated by men – considered weaker,even at some point my perceptive was similar..yes, women are a bit weaker than men. But after the time out there in Gorkha – my perceptive changed to – Really? Women are a bit weaker than men? Who says???

I realize it is the women themselves that under estimate themselves and stay being self dominated rather than men dominated. Somewhere its their own fault that they chose to stay in this way. But somewhere its not completely their fault, because the society doesn’t allow them to lift themselves up.

The way we got astonished by their physical and mental power to balance all the works, they were astonished seeing us young girls coming out a long way – unmarried and educated and almost independent and working our sweat off to help people who we didn’t even know.

It was a win-win situation, where one complimented the other female.

Perhaps it is just my personal feeling or perhaps it really did change… In the era of 2 months I felt, there certainly came a change in women perceptives living out in thar rural part of the country to think… Really? ARE WOMEN WEAKER THAN MEN?

So now when I am standing with the breeze of the air of my urban city ruffle through my hair, I drift back to those days where I cherish the pride in being a female and secretly woo myself and every single other women for being born what they have… A FEMALE indeed.

A joke of lies

And why would’nt life seem dark?

Darker than the colour black could be

The angering clouds intensifing the thunder

The raindrops pelleting right down at me

I wish an umbrella could save me though

From the clashes of sounds people whisper around

I wish I could shut off to that crowd

Where I’m so lost but nobody hears me cry out loud

I wish I could dance free out in the rain

Yet that strings instruct me to move

Move in a way, that gives me freedom- NO just Pain..

I wish my words would speak my language

Yet I find myself utter something so different

Yet the words seems to bring smiles on faces

Because thats all that the people had wanted to hear

I wish my eyes visioned that path of happiness

Yet I find there are stony walls of obligations everywhere

Cannot I see the blissful ending even with my spects

I see only that what the people make me dream of nightmare

I wish I could walk towards the way to any paradise

Yet paradise doesn’t seem so easy to get to

The tickets to get there- cannot I afford

And waiting for my chance- I bet i would already meet the Lord

I wish I could smile all the time anywhere

But life doesn’t seem to offer me that miracle yet

The tears seem to fight off my tiny big eyes

Reminding me this world itself is a joke smiling in lies…

– Lirisha

Thank you from above

Swishhh.. swishhh.. came a tiny bit of flake of a paper written “thank you”, rustling with the wind, inside the window pane and landing on my lap.

The bus stopped just then- so did my breath. It was scrawled in a tiny childish writing – hardly readable. But I saw it alright and i read it too.

The word started to blur and the sounds surrounding me became a buzz to my ears.. I looked at the entwined hands of him and me- in blur..

I recalled back to our days of starting of love.. hands entwined and strings of hearts knotted together.. I was 18 he was 20- our smiles were infinite.

Our eyes spoke the words of love, heart throbbed with the desire of love. From awkward hugs to missing hugs.. From just a peck on the cheeks to intense love so it went..

Tangling in his arms became a safe heaven for me.. listening and remaking our talks for future became the favourite story to see..

When we grow old what shall we be? Together the children and grand children, you and then me..

A year and two gone.. my 20th birthday- his special gift for me. That ring sparkling on my pale skin promising a lifetime of togetherness. That feel of emotion and love hovering in the air- united us together and forever to our souls and hearts..

Then came the moment of unexpected event- to realize that I had gotten pregnant!

There was that moment of happiness a month ago and then here comes that moment so unexpected to us.

The fault was our- we got carried away in love. Neither we thought of safety nor we planned. His job was just started- not enough for to support a baby. As for myself – I was still a student – how could I manage a child?

A big question mark as to what to do?

Abortion was the only solution- question was how?

Abortion at the correct time- we had to decide just now?

Was the local hospital good enough? Would my tiny muchikin be safe?

Safe! That was what we exactly needed to focus upon.. we failed to do so once and the mistake shall not repeat again..

Despite the yearning we would have to take the safe step.. safe abortion for our safe future..

The bus started again.. and I felt his hand squeezing mine slightly watching my face in silence. I brushed my tears and looked into his and smiled.

His smile followed- hesitant yet it was there whispering silent words of thank you.

Thank you for being strong it said.. Thank you for giving him hope to recreate future together again..

My smile spoke words of thank you as well.. Thank you for supporting me all through. Thank you for the love and hardship together we have been through.

I felt the crumpled paper in my other hand. Perhaps I was wrong or maybe its just my imagination.. But I felt the thank you was from my muchikin above..

Thanking us for keeping him/her safe.. thanking us despite the fact he/she couldn’t see the world- safely did it go up above in heaven.

I put the paper in my bag and resting my head on the heaven of strong shoulder, with content safe smile on my face, riding the safe bus ride back home, thinking- I took my safe step to my future with a SAFE ABORTION, did you?